Depression was not considered an illness until recently and many people still think that such mental diseases are non-existence.
So this usually cover up the unknown mental disease and thus result in non-availability of helplines for such people with the feeling of blue, guilt, worthless and being tired all the times.
Depression usually starts with anxiety or guilty or sometimes failure. In my cases, it started with when I was awarded the ” Ideal Student” in the school. I still didn’t get until how I became an ideal student! I was awkward, shy, introvert and talentless. But maybe they ignore those traits in me and appreciate some qualities me like bright student, honest, discipline and selflessness nature in me. I used to feel kind of awkward and sad when some parents idols me in front of their kids.
Being an awkward, shy and ideal kid. How is it suppose to go along with? It ruined me when there is something going in school I was supposed to be the part of it. I never want to be a social butterfly, I was not always comfortable with the speech, I just want to live my life as a simple man. These new “ideal and expectation” things eat me mentally without seeing a single scar.
When I reach my lowest in life, many people laugh at me, abuse me, and backbiting me.
I was feeling like ending my life, I was feeling like a complete person with a mental handicap, I was helpless, I became a kind of person with smiling all day and crying all night!
People never expect someone with a smiling face to be depressed. Maybe some people are a good actor and I guess I was one of them.
This fake smile, awkward, shy, introvert, trying to impress my parents, teacher, neighborhood and most importantly new people leads me too depressed.
I feel like a mountain has lifted from my soul today. Although I had overcome depression a few month ago without any medication.
All I think of now is
Peace and love to everyone 😊😊S